I was scrolling through my phone during lunch break at the campus library when I saw it – Ayumi Hamasaki’s official Weibo post about her 2025 Asia Tour. The notification popped up just as I was taking a bite of my cold sandwich, and I literally choked on my food.
There’s something about seeing ‘Beijing × Shanghai’ in that announcement that hit me right in the childhood memories. I remember being 15, saving up allowance money to buy her CDs from the local music store, the plastic wrap crackling as I tore it open. Her posters covered my bedroom walls back in Guangzhou – my mom would always complain about the tape marks left on the paint.
But here’s the thing that made me put down my sandwich entirely – that ‘exclusive fan medal’ they’re giving away? I clicked the link immediately, heart pounding like I was 15 again, only to be greeted by that dreaded ‘This content is not available in your region’ message. The disappointment tasted more bitter than my three-hour-old coffee.
It’s not just about missing out on fan medals though. Last month, my friend in Vancouver tried to watch Hamasaki’s latest music video on Youku – she said it buffered so much it felt like watching a slideshow. ‘Remember when we used to crowd around one computer in the internet cafe to watch her MVs?’ she texted me, followed by a crying emoji. Those were the days when the only thing between us and Japanese pop culture was how many yuan we had for internet time.
The post mentions ‘every note burning with the warmth of youth’ – and damn if that doesn’t describe exactly how I felt discovering her music. I can still smell the ink from the lyric booklets I’d painstakingly translate word by word, my Japanese dictionary permanently stained with highlighter marks. Her songs were the soundtrack to my high school graduation, my first crush, all those moments that feel both forever ago and just yesterday.
Now living overseas, that connection feels both stronger and more fragile. When Hamasaki sings about memories and distance in ‘Seasons,’ I’m no longer just thinking about teenage heartbreak – I’m thinking about time zones and firewalls. My cousin in Melbourne actually flew back to Shanghai last year just to attend a J-pop concert, saying it was cheaper than dealing with VPN issues and laggy streams.
Reading about the meet-and-greet opportunities in that Weibo post, I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. The last time I tried to enter a Chinese social media giveaway from abroad, the verification process required a mainland phone number I no longer have. It’s like being stuck between two worlds – forever close to the culture you grew up with, but always one step removed from fully participating in it.
So to all my fellow overseas Ayumi fans who saw that tour announcement today – I see you. I see that mix of excitement and frustration when you click that link. That moment when you remember nothing beats being in that crowd, screaming the lyrics to ‘Boys & Girls’ with thousands of other fans, but reality reminds you there’s an ocean and several firewalls between you and that experience.
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